1up

5 things about me.

1 i'm very emotionally sensitive
2 i like routine
3 i can kick as high as my own head
4 i often have dirty thoughts
5 i like when "the girl" rubs my fingers =X

any questions??

i lied!!

i lied to the girl. a friend was coming over when i was talking with her. i told her that i wouldn't leave. i did!! i feel horrible about that.

i wasn't even expecting for him to come see me, just come over, do some business with my family and leave. he was home alone and had nothing better to do, so he came to bother me!! i felt bad for not seeing him recently and not hanging out with him in his lonely little house while his family was gone. before i actually knew all of that, i was planning on seeing him and/or another of my friends tomorrow. i was planning to spend the entire rest of the night with the girl since i would not be back for a while, due to work and other activities.

once my friend was here, i thought that it would be alright if i spent time with him tonight, perhaps a little time with my friends or family tomorrow, then continued my conversation with the girl tomorrow night. over all, that would be more times to speak with her and be more conversation than if i stayed tonight and did not see her tomorrow. also, this way i could feel fulfilled in spending time with my friend, instead of abandoning him, yet have the least affect on my time with the girl.

i feel obligated to spend time with my friends while i have the chance, but above that, i feel obligated to the girl by spending more time with her, caring for her, and being there when she needs me. i feel especially obligated when i make a promise to see her!! i did speak with her, but i left before it was over. i lied to her when i left after i had told her i would stay. i feel very ashamed about that.

i'm very sorry, babe. please forgive me.

i wish to do what is best for everyone, but i have hurt the girl i care about in the process!! my hope is that by promising extra time tomorrow, that she will forgive me for the mean thing i have done tonight!!

do you remember my last post, how i talked about all the swirling things that will come crashing into me?? .... it has started!!

this is where i hug the girl tight, tearfully apologize, wish her a great night's sleep, and a wonderful day in the morning.

goodnight.

- jafo -

the past is never gone, it can never be forgotten, and sometimes it brings you back kicking and screaming!!

much of my life has pasted since my last post. a lot of things have gone on that involved me in many ways. right now, even more things are going on, but right now i'm not directly involved in any of it. i'm in the eye of the storm and i'm pretty sure all those swirling things are about to come crashing into me. i'll be directly involved in all the things going on around me that i'm not currently involved in. don't you think that can make some people scared or stressed out??

i'm not. i'm prepared for what's ahead, for what is coming. i'm prepared for the consequences of what will happen even if can't handle what's coming!! being prepared has been the greatest relief for me. i'm not just prepared for this. i'm prepared for many things, anything, at any time. i'm ready for anything. even if it's something i can't handle, and the worse is to happen... what else can i do about it?? so, in a sense, though i haven't prepared for it, i'm still ready for the worst!! what why expect the worst?? why focus on the bad that COULD happen?? prepare for the worst, work for the best, accept any outcome and be happy for the effor that i made!!

that sounds a bit repetative don't you think, k-chan?? haven't i said something like that before??....

"it's not the outcome that matters, just the effort you've made"!!! you've made so much effort, babe. even if it's not the same outcome as "her", you're done very well!! be happy about what you've done, and don't compare yourself to other people!! you are great for who you are. you do great work in everything you do. you're smart, you're pretty, and you are a great person!!!

... like always, i have more to say, but i'll wait until tomorrow!! i'll see you then!!

this is where i give my girl a big hug and wish her a great night's sleep.

goodnight.

- jafo -

p.s. welcome back, d.a.