i just wrote this out for my friend, but i felt like putting it up here too. now this probably doesn't mean crap to any of you, but it's how i feel, and relates to me and my "old" friends. forgive me if this has no pertinence to you.

"you are very old friends. but that can be good and bad. it at times can be very very comforting to have someone you've known so long, just being there. there is no need for words or conversation or secret telling. just being together is all that you need.

however, old friends also know you the best, they know who you are, what you do, and most importantly what you WILL do. that is only to a point. [for most old friends] the real problem lies in that, they still know and think of you as who you were!! but as you grow up, they still act and support you in the way you used to be. does that make sense?? therefore, sometimes it's best to have a few new friends along the way. share things with them, confide in them for the way you are feeling now. as a true friend, an old friend, you should realize... these things, these thoughts are only temporary. you share with your new friend only the things that are of now. all that is now will change again, then they mean nothing at all. all's that wiil remain will be friendship. the old ones, despite never saying a word, or even not seeing each other, will still be there. they still know and care for you like no one else has or will. the same as they always have!!"

[edit] i've learned with my old friends that no matter how long it's been, and how much i have to tell them... none of it matters. everything i have to say to them, and all the feeling i had of being apart from them and aniticipating seeing them again... it's all gone. when i meet them again. it's as if nothing has changed. it seems that time has passed but we were always together. all the things that i wished to tell him, he already knew. it was old news. all that mattered was who was gonna win the next game of air hockey. --- good stuff. fun times. no regrets.

well. that might not mean much, but i felt like sharing. goodnight. sleep well.

well, another week goes by and still i do nothing!! i planned on doing another post on tuesday, but then never did. also planned to go read blogs, but never did. also, the only i comment i get from my latest blog was yesterday from d.a.. THE ONLY ONE!! maybe you really are not coming back. 0.0!! ... should i expect anything less from my own actions?? -_- guess not. k, well. some new developments have come up. i will mostly likely not be back on tblog for several days. if you would like to contact me, email me at:: Jafo187@Juno.com. please don't spam this addy. if ya want to forward me stuff, let me know and i'll give you another addy that i designate for that. and YES, if i know i'm getting forwards/spam, i WILL read it.

k. well. first off i was gonna ask what each of you think about me!! i have been on tblog for over a year, and have known most of you for that long. you've been with me to good and bad times on here, and know much about me, my personality, and my flaws. so with all that in mind, all in all, what do you think of me?? and please be honest!! if you haven't something mean or negative to say, or have some harsh words you want to get out... now is the opportunity!! i want to know how you really feel, and what you really think about me. what it is that i should most improve!!

on a similar note, i wanted to state for the record that i've broken MANY promises recently. i've always been VERY strict about giving promises that i'm not 99.9% sure i can keep. well, i've made MANY promises over the past few months... "i'll come visit your blog.", "i'll be online more, i promise", "oh, i haven't been to your blog yet, like i promised. i PROMISE i'll be there tomorrow". :cry: i feel like crap when i make a promise and don't keep it. it's one of the worst feelings for me. so any retaliation or consequences i'm fully prepared to take, and will most likely not be as painful as my own scorn toward myself. so bring it on!! so, like above, if you have ANYthing you want to tell me, tell me now!!

afterwards (let this not hinder your comments), if you could in anyway find it availble to forgive me for being a punk@$$ *****, then forgive me and accept my appologies.

thank you and goodnight.

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k. that's what i was gonna write before. but now!!

i had to relive a painful memory tonight. the girl that i am no longer supposed to like had her birthday today. i found this out at the new "college-age" bible study tonight. so, afterwards i was corgially invited (by her) (thus, i couldn't refuse), to go to a local coffe house (daybreak, in case you are here and wondering, trin.). on the way out, someone told me that Gabe was inside. Gabe is the brother to the girl that i used to hang with till she asked me to never see her again on the phone the day i called her to ask if she wanted to officially be my girlfriend. well, THAT was the painful memory that i had. X) everything was nice, until then.

but THEN after i got home, i came to the hard earned conclusion that my wisdom tooth if finally, officially coming in!! (all 4 of my wisdom teeth are "impacted" (sideways)). if wisdom teeth are so smart, why are they such a pain the mouth?? hehe X)

on brighter news. this week i've tried to be as diligent as i could, and managed to get 99.9% completed on my first scene of my animation project. i restate for the record: the first scene is the longest and hardest of them all. the rest are shorter and MUCH easier to fix. if i get enough comments on it, i'll think about putting it online for y'all to see.

i had a really crummy day tuesday. when i woke up i went straight to my project (yay for me!!). but when i openned it, the program had did something completely impossible. it had saved the "skin" of my character as a completely different object/substance, that can in no way be fixed, corrected, redone. the only possible solution was to go to a previously saved file and start over. luckily i've learned enought the hard way to save in increminents!! but still, it was nearly 5-6 hours worth of work lost!! and since i don't work nearly as much as i should... that was over a weeks worth of work, completely gone!! the great thing about redoing something, is that it gets done faster and better!! i had redid the previous 6 hours of work in about 30 minutes, and made it much better too!! thus, redoing something may be a hassle, but it's better in the long run!! X)

well, on top of that, i got an email from the online company that i ordered from. they sent me an email saying that my order was completley on back order!! due to the fact that the company is shipping from Japan, and the backorder was an underminded length of time... i then expected it to be more than a month before i would see my merchandise!!

after these devistating revolations i became too upset to do anything, so i set to to work to relieve my frustration by completing a special assignment on my brothers game (Metal Gear Solid 3). the assignment is to go through the entire game and shoot these miniture frog toys scattered throughout ever level of the game. well, it becomes EXTREMELY difficult near the end!! however, i had only a few more left, and then i would have a special super item!! well, after numerous tries i finally did it. i beat the game and shot every frog in the game. however, when i restarted, the game did not award me my special item. i think due to a weird glitch in the saving function it subtracted a few frogs from my hit list. well, after several game hours and redos this devistated me even more!!

WEDNESDAY!! my crappy misfortune of tuesday, turned to wonderful delight. due to my discovery of a quicker, better solution to my project problem, i came to a 95% completion of my first scene. seeing as how i have worked on this one scene for nearly 6 months (verly little actual work time) i became EXTREMELY thrilled!! also!! i recieved ANOTHER email from the online website saying that my order had come in and was being sent that day!! WOW!! a 1 day turn around!! THAT's the kind of news that makes me happy to hear. i then went to look online for a logical reason why my game cheated me out of my special item. i got online and found a website, but it didn't give a logical reason why MY game would not work properly. however it did give me a few semi-logical possibilities. also, found a few new cool cheats, and strategies that will greatly help on my next play through!!

today is thurday. (well it's 12:30AM friday morning now). i fixed a few minor things on my project today and finished downloading a large batch of techno music videos and anime. also, the bible study which i dreaded going to tonight (due to a bad experience last time) turned out half way decent. so no complaints today other than the painful memory, and pain in my mouth!! X)


thank you all, you've been a great audience.
goodnight!!
jafo.

k. it's been ... 10 days since i last wrote a blog. hope you realize that i am still here. ... hope y'all haven't given up on me. well. it's been even longer than that since i last told everyone that i would visit their blogs... but still haven't. i'm sorry everyone. i feel like a major jerk. please forgive me.

well, over a week ago i came up with a great topic. so here it is. X) i realize now (again) why i hate big groups. i should state here that i don't do well, or like, large groups of people. i do only a fair job one-on-one, but horindously in large groups. "group mentality"!! in one-on-one people usually talk to me and try to enjoy their time as best they can despite their poor company. but in group situations, i am generally picked as the weakest link, and easiest target. i have been ridiculed and made fun of at every large group gathering that i have been to. so, consequently i avoided groups as best i could. recently however, a situation came up where a large group of several of my friends would get together. for some bizarre reason i couldn't figure out why i was so hesitant to be around several of my friends. driving home one night last week, i realized (remembered) why it is that i was so fearful to be with them. even though they are undoubtedly my friends, i still fear the great possibility of being ridiculed, especially by my friends.

on a side note. i've realized by introspection that i too have done so in larger than 1 groups. i too fall victim to group mentality. and for that, i am sorry to everyone who i have hurt.

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since the last time i was here, very little has happened. i've played a few games of "Wallyball" with my friends, have played many hours of Metal Gear Solid 3, and spent 0 hours working on my project (till today)!!

as far as anime. i am at a slow spot. a few of my series have ended, and most websites are down for various reasons. however, dispite the setback i still managed to find a new series. X) Tsukuyomi Moon Phase. it's about a vampire girl who gets realesed from captivity in a castle by a spiritual-less guy (who you find out later also has a special 'quality' in his blood). her mother is dead so she lives with the boy, and demands that he is her servant, but he is not affected, only annoyed. X) then of course, several bad minions come to bring the girl back to the castle. it's (slightly) dark, and dramatic, with a bit of comedy. very cool.

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uhm. mostly the past few weeks i've been in a large daze and can't think clearly at all. when best i can, and with more effort i will try to make it back to blogs. (you're already learned not to hold your breath).

sorry,
thank you,
and goodnight,
jafo.

it's too sad. it too freakin sad. i really really need to stop watching anime. if it makes me this sad...

i just finished watching Tactics. for those of you who've seen it, you should definately understand. it was a really good series. and i enjoyed watching all of it. once again, at the end, a very special character dies and it breaks my heart. the japanese have such a special way of bring out the most emotion when it comes to greiving and caring for a dying loved one. and i guess it just means they can make the characters very special too, ne?? (right??) what should i do?? should i just stop watching anime cause it makes me feel the bad??

what should i do??






goodnight.

i was coming out of the grocery store going to my car when i passed girl sitting alone in the back of a Jeep. she was on a cell phone but she looked very depressed. i brushed it off and went straight to my car. although i didn't buy much it took me a while to get in and pull out. on my way out i passed by the Jeep again. this time a guy and a girl where in the front seat conversing, but the girl still seemed all alone in the back, and still very depressed. this time i pulled up to their car and called to the girl. she smiled and waved. i asked, "are you alright?? do you need a ride home??". of course this was very odd, but when has that stopped me. she seemed very happy about the proposition. she turned to her friends who didn't seem to notice, then jumped out the back of the car and ran to mine. her friends turned and called out to her but she ignored them and got inside. i started off and when we got to the street she told me where to go. it wasn't too long of a drive before we ended up at her house. i escorted her to the door, and as she opened it her father met us from inside. being a responsible one i stepped inside and explained the whole situation. he didn't seem too thrilled about this but he accepted it. he moved into the study and i followed him. there, he invited me to play "Yakata", which i knew to be the japanese game of Scrabble. (*it is not*) the father explained it to me a little, but the girl came in and said she did not want to play, she had a headache and wanted to lay down. i took this as a hint of her being uncomfortable of me being around her father, playing games. i told the man that i should decline as well, and should head home. on my way to the door i tried to talk to the girl, but her father was behind me and "encouraged" me out the door. when i stepped outside i realized i hadn't made a proper greeting. i turned back, offered my hand and tried to say my name, but the man shut the door on me. this of course was odd too, but somewhat understandable. the following day i sent this letter to the girl::

"Dear ****,
I'm the boy that took you home the other day. My name is **** *****. I appologize for not telling you sooner. Forgive me, I found your name on the internet by looking up your address. If you ever need another ride home, or for whatever reason, give me a call. ***-***-****.
Sincerely,
**** *****"

a few days after i sent the letter i got a call in the middle of the night (like 3AM or something). being asleep, i answered very groggy, and said "hello??". the voice on the other end just said, "oh, i'm sorry i woke you. goodbye.", then hung up. it was a girls voice, and that response made me very curious. i sat up and called the number back. after her "hello??", i told her that she just called me. i wanted to know who she was and why she was calling me so late. i didn't care where she got the number, but i had a suspision it was the girl. it was. she was alone outside somewhere. she wanted a ride home. she didn't seem to be in danger or in a rush, so i sat and talked with her for a while. i was having an excellent conversation...

the dog barks and wakes me from my sleep. -__-;

geez. it was such a great dream. but now i feel all sad and alone.

the dream was MUCH more detailed. i can remember all the textures of the brick on the store and houses. i remember the roads, whether they were paved, unpaved, and all the pot holes. i remember the books, furniture, and decoration in the girls house. i actually remember driving the entire way to her house. the really scary part was, that very path i had actaully dremt up many years ago. and i still remember all the detailes!! the details will fade and i'll probably forget this dream completley but wasn't it fun?? oh, there were a few other things that happened that i didn't mention, such as a hedge of a bush that looked like an enormous cow that stood up and walked about outside the window of the father's study room. i noticed it first but he got up and started taking pictures of it. i also remember all the details to the game that never exsisted. it looked really interesting!!

ok. i bored you enough. goodnight.

uhm, yesterday, i believe it was, i took a personality test that kchan sent me a link for. guess she wanted to know how badly i'm screwed up. just kidding, i asked for the link. anyways, it's a really lengthy test, but i have copied and modified it so that all of you can now see my answers. the test is done on a scale of 1-5 radial buttons. i have gone through and pre-inputted my answers into the questions that i was given. so click the link below to see the questions and answers. keep in mind that you CAN change the results, so only the initial states are MY answers. also at the end i have added the given results and traits. feel free to look them over, leave feed back, and/or take the test yourselves. thanks and goodnight!!

Jafo's Personality Test Results
Personality Test

ALL THANKS TO K-CHAN!!! due to her inspiration from me, and her comment that led me to her site, i realized a very simple and obvious way to not only reduce file size but to also get rid of the resolution degredation that comes with jpg images on the web.

uhm... i talking about my blog's background image, the blue to black fading comes from a picture!! due to her inspiration i realized that with the repeat feature of the background image, the image itself did not need to be as wide as the blog... no, not even close. the picture still stands at 2382 pixels tall (from the top of the black fade to the end of the next black fade), but is now only 27 pixels wide. i could (and probably will) make it even narrower. it should in theory work just fine if i narrow it to 1 pixel wide... i'll give it a try just to see. the proper file format for internet images is ".gif". however even with file compression the file size is generally larger than a ".jpg" (or ".jpeg") image. conversly, jpeg files are highly compressed and have resolution loss that is very apparent on the web. (as you saw with my previous fading background picture). the previous picture was in jpeg format, and was 120Kbs in size. however, it was 1400x2400 pixels. that's quite massive. due to the ability to repeat pictures in the background, my file didn't need to be NEARLY that big. this wasn't obvious to me till i visited kchan's blog and saw her new layout. with MY new inspiration i reduced the width to 27 pixels width and was able to use high resolution gif file that made all quality loss go away. so now you see it completely as how it was intended and i was still able to reduce the file size to 27Kbs!!! ain't that amazing!!!

-__-; yeah. didn't think so!!

night everyone. sleep well.

it's 7:15. i got home about 45 minutes ago, but came straight home to help my brother set up his internet connection and install updates. i'm so freakin' tired. i didn't work a FULL day today but it was so long, and so crappy. it was the first business day of the week, of the month, and first after a 4 day holiday!! it sucked!! had nearly 200 customers in the time i was there, and i exagerate not(!!), i had at least one problem with each and every one of them!!! i am so ready to scream. i swear that the next person to ask for my help today will walk away with a stick in their eye!!

ON MY WAY HOME... i got 2 calls from my brother pleading with me to help him with his computer. before i could get to my room and change clothes he started pestering me. so i yelled at him. it shut him up. if he had bothered me any more then he would have gotten no help and would have a giant lump on his head!!

that's about all i have to say now. please leave comments about my new blog look. let me know if you do or don't like it. thanks. goodnight!!

it's now exactly midnight. i should be in bed. i finished my 20 hour weekend earlier. now i just have another 5 days, and 40 hours left to go!! XP i got home about 6:30 and no one was home. when i called them fam cell phone they were at a friends house preparing a small surprise birthday party for one on my friends who i didn't even know when his b-day was. then i dropped by Red's house to pick up my dvd set that he borrowed like 4 months ago and never returned or finish watching. came home, everyone ended up at out house. we watch a couple comedy skits on the comp, then they left. after that... i've been working on my blog, changing the music, and looking through ads for sales on cds and a memory stick!!

as you should have already noticed, i changed the background on my blog. had to switch the subject headers to blue too (they used to be light green). i also change my wallpaper and got a new skin for trillian a whie ago, so go check out the new wallpaper pic!! should also have noticed by now the new music. the current music is "Pencil Fight" by the band: Atomship. they're pretty cool. the picture in the blog is of their album. i discovered them on a music videos' dvd sampler that i got a while back for purchacing some cd. woohoo!!

please enjoy the music. leave comments. i'll see y'all in 6 days!!

ja ne!!


************************* **********************


band:: Atomship
album:: The Crash of '47
song:: "Pencil Fight"


This life spreads like cancer as nothing here is real.
Leave me here by the bus stop with my pencil made of steel.
So it's time. It's just time....
Well I'm not much for the classroom teacher,
teach me if you care.
I can't pay much attention with that ruler in your hand.
So it's just time.

Cause I'm thinkin' Pencil fight, here we are.
Pencil fight, break me down.

Well I'm not much for the schoolyard teacher,
catch me if you can.
Ya leave me here by the swing set with my pencil broke in hand.
Oh it's fine.
Shattered shards of graphite as they're flying through the air.
I'll open eyes quite slowly with the splinters in my hair.
So it's time.

Cause I'm thinkin' Pencil fight, here we are.
Pencil fight, break me down.

It's just time, oh my, oh my.....
In this world no one leaves alone.
For the only way we leave is in death
and in death my friends ya leave with one thing
and that one thing is pride.
And pride throughout changes in time
between the sky that you love to the ground that you hate.
Pride between everything that once was your pride,
can never die.

Pencil fight, here we are.
Pencil fight, break me down.
Don't you see we have problems here?
Problems here at my home, at home, at home,
Problems here at my home.

alright. it's 9:42PM. i just got back from dinner and i'm about to go help my family. i've been playing games most of the day, and enjoying myself. i also got a haircut today. joy!! my mother showed me how to file my taxes online. yay!! now i can do them all on my own next year. XP

well. that's everything. i'll be working 9-9 tomorrow, 10-6 sunday, and 10-5 monday-friday. so i probably won't be back online till next monday. goodnight y'all.

leave a message or send me an email. thanks. oyasumi.