i am thankful for::

being with my family (my dad had cancer last year)
being able to spend time with friends (in dallas i was alone)
being alive and happy (sometimes) X)
being able to be someone special to someone (anyone)

thank you guys for helping me have a great year.
goodnight and have a great year.

...............

"things are feeling thin i know, i know
lost my seat again where i'll go, i'll go,
pushing in the pin
i know, i know
we're gonna go back in
we're gonna go go go...
i like to sleep with them
pushing in the pin"
the Yeah Yeah Yeahs - 'Pin'

Have a happy thankgiving.

"You used to run me away,
All while laughing.
Then cry about the fact,
'til I returned.
But long before, having hurt,
I'd send the pain below,
I'd send the pain below.
Much like suffocating...
I can't feel my chest...
I liked, having hurt."
Chevelle - "Send the pain below"

hmm. was another hasle of a day. yesterday was a major *fill in*. i had expected it to be a bit much, but that was just rediculous. i was more prepared today and also it was slightly better too.

i am now home and sipping on some delicious hot cocoa (probably the greatest drink ever invented), and listening to the toadies. this song is so awesome. it speaks to me on so many levels. like right now it keeps asking me if i want to die. X)

i got quite of bit of more work done on my tutorial. i have completed the bone making process and have started the rigging process but i spent about 2+ hours today and haven't even finished one leg yet. it's really strange, but you do practically nothing for the leg. nearly all controls and time spent on the leg is completely devoted to the foot and creating precision control. the leg consists of 2 bones, and have no controls except a knee swivel control. for the foot there are 3 bones, 3 control points, 4 helpers, 8 wire parameter settings, 3 customs scripts, and 2 custom attribute helpers. crazy eh??

enough of that. does anyone even care about my school work?? does anyone want me to shut up?? lately i've been thinking a lot about absolution, worse case senarios, death, and paranoyia. hmm. not much different than any other time but i've been spending more time thinking about them. oh well. one day i really need to go see a doctor. hope i don't die before then.

.... ...... . .. ..... . . ........... ... . hmm......

can't think of anything else to write at this moment. so good night. stay tuned. more tomorrow. SLEEP WELL AND HAVE A GREAT THANKSGIVING!!!

ah yes. P.S. i have yet again pissed of Trin. (yeah that's right. shocking isn't it??) well it seems that i compacted the situation by saying what i did on my blog so i decided to appologize on my blog as well. Trin, once again, i'm sorry.

thank you, and goodnight.

.........

"as the radioman says
it is 5 am
and the sun has charred
the other side of
the world and come
back to us
and painted the smoke
over our heads
an imperial violet
it is 5 am
and you are listening
to Los Angeles"
Soul Coughing - 'SCREENWRITER'S BLUES'

today i got to go over to Roc's house and play some games and watch a movie. we're going through watching the Star Trek films cause he's a big nerd and is all into this stuff. that's cool. i like it too. so tonight we watched "First Contact". hmm. intersting stuff. back in dallas i watched practically all and nothing but Voyager, but i hadn't seen much of Next Generation. what was funny was they had incorporated some stuff from Voyager and Deep Space Nine.

the greatest part of the night was when i got to show Roc and Trin exactly who was the video game master. they were getting a little cocky so i had to put them into place. we played Mario Kart on Nintendo Gamecube. I've been playing Mario Kart since the first game was released many years ago back on Super Nintendo. i've been playing video games since i was 5. to think these newbies who just recently started playing v.g.s could possibly "whoop my ***" was absolutely outrageous. so very calmly and deliberately i showed them "who was the boss". an all courses race, 2 on 1, with a few repeats, i lost first place only 1 time. not including the battle games that came after. hehe. newbies. they're so much fun. X)

............................

"i'm not gonna lie...
i'll show you my dark secret...
i'm not gonna lie
i want you for mine
my blushing bride
my lover, be my lover yeah...
make up your mind
make up your mind
and i'll promise you
i will treat you well
my sweet angel
so help me Jesus"
- Toadies - "Possum Kingdom"

geez. fine. once again i must define myself. i have not and will not ever say what i said in my last post. i never said that i would say that, i was just trying to metaphorically and simplically say that that should be how easy it is. but as trin proved so eloquently in her comment it does not go that easy. THANK YOU TRIN. you just proved my point. i DO realize quite well what it takes to establish a friendship.

1. i have not and will not (under normal circumstances) EVER say my name is anything other than what it is!!

2. i was quite tempted to use "hot" in that example but the mear fact that using that word even in an example would offend certain people *cough*trin*, i chose to use a less offensive word. but it was ONLY AN EXAMPLE. i DO realize that even that would offend girls. so i have not and will not (under normal circumstances) EVER use that word in any such context.

3. i am also quite aware that girls are defensive toward forward guys. thus i would NEVER use that tactic. also that is just not my personality, thus it only supports my reasons to never be forward.

thank you trin. i appreciate your input, but please don't assume that i don't already know this, or use this kind of offensive behavior. because it was so offensive was the very reason i was using it as an example. hoping that everyone would understand that it was just a joke. i'm sorry that you didn't take it that way. but now you should understand.

alright alright. it's been ask why i wrote that post (now 2 post back). well. there are usually lots of reasons for me to say something, but i think the main reason is i feel gipped off. all those freaks who beat, batter, abuse and use women who then swear off all men. they piss me off so much. then all those other a-holes who grab girls left and right just to have a good time. all the nice girls back in the back get lonely and hide themselves in solitude and make my task so much more harder. all this just annoys the crap out of me. i'm just a nice guy, and because of that i have the hardest time finding a nice girl. if i was a "bad" person i could definately find lots of girls who'd want to drape around me, but that's not what i want and that's not who i am. i just feel so screwed in this whole relationship game. and i freakin hate that it's so screwed up the way it is that has become a giant game. she is here, i am there, she does this, so in order to get from point a to point b (the next step in the relationship or even trying NOT to take the next step) i have to do this. gah. it pisses me off.

"hi. my name is jafo. you're really cute. would you like to go out??" nope. don't happen like that. boy, this sucks.

so my point ONCE AGAIN!! "nice guys finish last"

thank you and good night.

boy that previous blog hit a very sensitive subject. sorry y'all. i didn't even consider anything about it at all. frankly it was just a whimzical thought in my head. a random thought that i pondered into a massive search for "truth". running itself straight into a paradoxical situation all by itself. i do this quite often. it was nothing that i took meaningfully. i was writing it for a different reason and just to get responces. (and boy did i).

if you were offended by my previous blog. i'm sorry. but frankly i don't care much. it was full of general assumptions and stereotypes. that is not how i usually view people. i treat everyone i meet on a one on one basis and get to know each one personally.

if you have anymore comments please feel free to express them. i would love to hear how you feel on this sensitive subject. but due to what was stated in the previous paragraph, i have no more comments myself.

thank you. goodnight.

this morning i was watching "the district". there was this dude who's wife was killed. he was abusive to her and evidence was planted on him. so he was made the initial suspect. actually it was all a setup up, but because he was abusive and had already had the cops called on him twice in the past it wasn't easy for him to get off the hook. in a side story there was a guy who was arrested for believing to be in possession of drugs. he was a rehabilitated druggie, who was now working at a sports facility for neighborhood kids as a mentor type. what had happened was he took drugs away from some kids and was trying to dispose of them and the cops saw him with it and thought he was just trying to ditch it. so for him, it was also very hard to overcome what he had been accused of.

my point:: people do something just one time out of stupidity or ignorance and they are branded for the rest of their life. they can move to another city, change their name or whatever, but they can never escape their past. something that they have dealt with and overcome and just trying to move on, but they can't. it will always be with them no matter what. it's so sad. but that's just the way it is. if you knew a person for a long time and knew they were such a great person then found out something like this, even though they aren't that way anymore and you know it, you still can't look at them the same way.

i was thinking a lot about this and trying to apply it to myself. i was thinking... if i knew a girl who was really great and sweet and loved me dearly, but i found out that she had fooled around a bit in college.... what would i do?? frankly, i don't know what i would do.

thinking a bit more on this i realized being a good clean nice person is so hard. to keep your past clean takes a bit of work. have to keep away from every little tempting thing and every small mistake that could possibly stay on your record for the rest of your life. i realized this may be why so many guys do what they do. they can't handle it anymore. they can't handle the abililty of staying a good person. they get overcome by temptation, and after that, they just wallow in it. girls, i think, are the same way. they find a really cute guy (who's bad) and does whatever she can to be with him even though she knows he probably won't keep her. then you have a soiled girl with a soiled past. it's just that easy.

kicker:: so nice guys already have it hard just trying to stay good. but now you have guys living it the other way and defaming "guys" reputation. and there are girls who will be with guys no matter what, which leaves the good girls in the back looking at the other girls with those guys and thinking, "well that's just not fair. they're not a good person but they still get to have a guy and i don't!!". this makes girls sad. well this could ultimately destroy a girl, a good girl. or it will make it harder for the nice guy to find that nice girl. you see.... it's all very peridoxical. (d.a. told me that word the other day. it's such a great word).

i'm sorry if it's all confusing. but it's all there and it's all true. it's just so very sad.

FINAL STATEMENT:: "NICE GUYS FINISH LAST!!"

thank you and good night.

Guest Host blog #2 - Red Herring

What ever happened to game shows? I was watching the “Game Show Network” when I realized that a whole new generation will never know the excitement of winning a whirlpool washer and dryer by choosing curtain #3 or winning a pair of water skies because you were the closest to the actual retail price, without going over. Through the 70’s and 80’s, the early morning television airways were flooded with game shows. Looking back, they all held close to the same successful formula: a contestant will be willing to sell out their family, friends, and pride in order to win a new VCR with wireless remote. I ask of the jury, where are all the game shows? Jeopardy is too cerebral so it doesn’t count. Even Wheel of Fortune requires some sort of cognitive function. The true measure of a game show is: can a contestant be a complete failure and still win the grand prize? Therefore, The Price is Right is the only game show that is still on today. The show is set up to ensure that all contests have an equal chance of the grand prize despite IQ and/or common sense. If a contestant is so incompetent as to not know the round-about price of a pinball machine, the contestant has the option of bidding one dollar…or if a contestant doesn’t know if a pack of Oreo’s costs less than a bottle of Tylenol, then he has the option of asking the audience for there opinion. Hence the safety net of the show. It’s possible to underbid all of the other contestants or successfully navigate a “high or low” game by taking the audiences advice and make it to the top. I guess Charles Darwin will be rolling over in his grave tonight…somehow The Price is Right promotes survival of the least fit. Well, maybe Charles Darwin isn’t all incorrect. Maybe game shows have just evolved. Maybe game shows have just taken on a new look. We see them everyday. The only different is the networks have taken away the cheesy flashing lights or oversized name tags. Take a look at reality shows. Hey, same formula: a contestant will be willing to sell out their family, friends, and pride in order to win a prize. Phrases like The Price is Right’s “Come on Down” have now been replaced with Donald Trump’s “You’re Fired.” Family Feud has evolved from the boxy game show motif to CBS’s Big Brother. Instead of a married people competing on The Newlywed Show, we now have couple’s Fear Factor. When it comes down to the bottom line, everybody wants to be a winner and everybody wants their 15 minutes of fame. Game shows and reality shows just offer John Q Public a great 2-for-1 deal.



--Red Herring

ok. well it's monday night and i'm at home sick. i wasn't REAL sick all day, so i did get a bit of work done on my project. it's really complex. the craziest thing about what i'm doing right now, is that you don't "see" any of the work that i'm doing.

when an animator first gets a 3d model handed to him, that is it. there is nothing else in the file (3d realm, aka "scene") than just a bunch of points connected to each other which make up a 3d character. but it's still, imobile. the only way to move it in that state is to move each individual point. well, a basic 3d model for a movie or game could has as much as 1,000,000 points or more. depending on the size, detail, and function. so to make it easier to animate, animators start with a basic skeletol system. they place what are "bones" inside the body and position them like normal bones. they are all linked together and act like normal bones too. you then attach control objects to help animate the bones. typical character has about 50 bones. each bone can be rotated in 3d. (3 different rotations each). and for each movement this can add up real quick. so with control objects you can animate several bones with precision really fast and accurate. however making helper objects just isn't enough. without parameters things can become messed up and rotations go askew. so you then make several parameters for linking, rotation and control. this is the most complex of it all (for me anyways) and you don't actually "see" any of it. it's all running in the background making sure you or your object don't go all crazy. after this, you then get to put all the bones back into place and attach the skin to the bones. yes. i said "attach the skin to the bones". you have to tell the computer that all those dots that you first get at the very beginning are going to be controlled by the bones. so you have to spend a lot of time making sure all those points attach correctly and move like they're supposed to based on the movement of the bones. tedious and time consuming. once all that is done... you are now free to animate your character!!! X)

today i did the parameters part and the skinning part. the character was super simple and required basically no time consumption to "skin".

k. well. i'm off to bed. you people sleep well.

goodnight!!

well, i just got back from Roc and Trin's house. we went and watched "Saw". weird movie. i kept hearing everyone discribe it as "greusome". but i think "creepy" might also fit. i recommend this movie only to those who regularly watch b-rated horror flicks. there few several times where people in the theater started to laugh. i didn't think it was very funny. but maybe it's just my lack of comical humor. after the movie i went back to their place for a little bit and they showed me their new comp interface. they downloaded a skins loader and a "Matrix" windows skin. it looks really cool. it also has these cool icons, but i think the best part was the log-in and shutdown windows. totally modified. really cool.

..........

i miss them. i wish i didn't work so much. i want to spend more time with my friends. *pouts*.

..........

the past week i didn't do much on my school work. however, yesterday i spent a bit of time on it. i finally got to the advanced animation stuff. the stuff that is actually tailored to more of what i would do. the tutorials start at the VERY beginning and go through every single aspect of the program. however, actual productions (movies, video games) are broken down into sections.

Story
Conceptual Art
Modelling
Environment
Animation
Post Production

the entire scope is generally called "computer animation", but there are only a select few who "animate". i am working to be one of those select few. my dream job is to be a high production "Character Animator". the FIRST process a "character animator" does is set up (prepare) a 3d model to be animated. this preperation is called "rigging". because you rig a skeletal system and control points, and animate it like a marionette. if the company is big enough someone else will do all the rigging. then it'll get passed to the animators. but usually the animators just do it. THAT is the process that i'm relearning in the tutorials. it can get really complicated really fast.

... i will try to post a web page to explain everything a bit more clearly and in detail later on. and maybe even post a few pics about what i'm doing.

i'll be working all day tomorrow and most of sunday. so leave messages and i'll get back to y'all probably after that. thanks. good night!!

first off... Trin, you've fallen back on your job. look at all the angry, upset blogs i've been writing and getting away with. you're supposed to help me not be so angry anymore remember?? actually i need to go check to see if you're doing what YOU'RE supposed to be doing. hehe.

today was a very nice day. even though i had a "not so good" day yesterday, and had to work today.... it was still a pretty nice day. i went to bed pretty early last night. Midnight!!! rolled out of bed at 10. (i hate mornings!!!) went and watched some tv to help wake up, then played some video games while burning cds. got about 10 cds burned, but need to burn so much more!! sheesh i download lots of anime. there's no way i could watch all the crap that i download. i have entire series on cd that i burned 2 years ago that i have no idea what it's about. and it's only getting worse as MORE stuff is being release at incredible speeds. more shows released each season, more subbers, more "torrent" users to increase anime downloading popularity. etc etc etc. sheesh. but it's all good. i enjoy anime!!! X)

i plan on eventually being on my own again in the near future and plan on watching a lot of anime that i've downloaded but haven't seen yet. oh boy. i'm gonna have so much fun!!! X) i can't wait. :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

ok. for general purposes and for answer to Trin's comment on the previous blog. here's my reply.

last night i went and watched the Incredibles with my brother and a couple of friends. i wanted to invite Roc and Trin, but it wasn't my thing, and it was getting late, and they said they had a previous dinner engagement. (we should definately find something else to go to soon, cause i haven't gone with y'all in a while now!!) anyways, by the time i got home and wound down, i was in bed by 12. that only gave me 7 hours sleep. i had to be in the "Jury Pool Building" by 8. sheesh. that's WAY too early for me. it's hard to even imagine a 7 o'clock in the morning, much less having to be awake at that time. took my shower, got dress, and drove fast. got there at the EXACT time. (i'm just that good!!). sat around for 2 hours to be sworn in, sort through exemptions and finally get picked for a panel. out of 200 people, everyone (who wasn't exempt) got put into 1 of 4 panels. my panel alone consisted of 45 panel members. i believe this was due to the large amount of possible exemptions due to the defense party. the defense party was the main hospital here in town. it alone is the second largest income for the city. (cotton is the first). it is the biggest hospital from dallas to california. we were seated in the courtroom at 10, given 45 minute lunch break, and after the jurors were finally selected, the rest were finally dismissed at 3. the rest (including me) were resent to the "Jury Pool" to be possible selections for ANOTHER panel. out of the 25 that came back, only 16 were selected. i barely escaped both times. i was very lucky. but i am very tired. they started a new policy... no one is paid for the first day of service. only if you are selected as a juror and return for a second day will you get paid. get paid $25 for every consecutive day after the first. i was told this went up from previously, probably because they stopped paying for the first day. but still that's barely 2 hours wages, and barely pays for 1 lunch and gas. sheesh. that sucks. so all together, i had to dress up, get up early, sit around on wooden benches and be bored for 7 1/2 hours, and not get paid a single freakin penny!!! damn. that sucks!!!

well, it's finally over and i'm home again. *phew* i'm tired and hungry. so goodnight peoples.

hmph. well, i didn't enjoy my trip. at the last minute my parents decided to take the van. woohoo, more leg room. awesome. on the way up i read my manga, "Desert Coral". it was weird. then we got there and it was fairly peaceful for a while, then the other devil children started showing up and being loud and obnoxious. i got to sit in the living room with most the other non involved adults and watch a movie. John Q.. a decent movie, but definately better than being involved with the birthday activities. then it finally started to wind down and the kids finished their games and came into the house and dragged me all over the place. mostly the youngsters orderd me to carry or drag them around. whatever. least i wasn't asked to play "tea" or "house". i would have to have given them a definative "NO!". yeah, i'm nice, but only to an extent. finally it was late enough for us to leave. i slept the whole way back. after i got home i finished "Hunter x Hunter:: Green Island Final OVA3". the conclusion of 62 ep tv series and 3 OVAs. the first 2 OVAs were only 8 eps each, the final was 14. it's a really really great show. i liked it!! this morning i slept in. i was just way too tired. weird, cause i don't understand why. i slept 2 hours on the ride back, then 9 hours that night. i missed church and got another 3 hours. i really don't know why that happened. i hope i'm not coming down with some sickness. that'd really suck.

well. it's nearly midnight and i have to get up early tomorrow to go to jury duty. freakin sucks. i hate this. i got to skip the last one cause i was in dallas going to school, but now i don't have a good enough excuse. dang it!!! well. hope it doesn't suck too bad.

goodnight y'all. take care. - .jafo.

ps. i turned k-chan into a lilly. i couldn't decide the color, so i post some options in a new web page on the left. have fun lookin at em.

i worked yesterday, but after i got off i went and watched Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence. very very nice. i own the first but was not very impressed. basically just bought it to say i own it, kind of thing. this one however was MUCH better. the art work was BRILLIANT!! the story was still kinda weird but a HUGE improvement over the first.

weird how this all went. went like this:: i first learned about this movie being released in the U.S. by d.a.. she sent me a link to a few sites that listed the citied it was playing in. the list did not include mine or her towns. however i mentioned the movie to the anime store lady and she told me it was currently playing at the old (now independant movie playing) theater. i could hardly believe any of it. so i went and looked online and sure enough. by the time i got free time and checked for available times, it was yesterday morning (thursday). i checked and the only possible time for me was 9:50PM. a little late, so i checked fridays, sundays, and mondays times. they went from 4 times to 1. starting today they dropped to showing it only once a day and it was a REAL awkward time. 6:40. i'm always doing something by then, usually eating. so i decided it was pretty much my last chance to see it. so after work last night, drove home (fast), changed, went to the theater. got there and the box office only listed the 6:40 showing. i was upset. went i got up to the front i asked he said "yeah. there's still a 9:50 showing". phew. crazy right??

got home this evening after work but decided to go get something read on the trip tomorrow. will be going to my nephew's birthday party. he's 2 hours away from us. i didn't know this till monday. sunday i set up a hearing test for a project experiment of the sister of one of the day time workers at my work. so, i had to tell the girl the next day to let her sister know that i couldn't make it. that sucks. i HATE backing out of a schedule i make. it's VERY rude. well, truthfully i don't want to go. he's only 9 but a devil child and his new brother (my youngest nephew) is even worse!!! then there's the older half sister. she's a LOT better than either, but she can be the top of the cake when you're already handeling either of the other 2. i love my sister to death and LOVE spending time with her, but i can't handle being around kids for any length of time. oh boy, this is going to be a troublesome trip. oh, on top of that, we are now taking the new car. it's even smaller than MY car, and the whole family is going to be in it for 2 hours each way. sheesh. sucks. (should remind everyone that i'm 6'1", my bro is 6'3" and both my parents are 5'10".) sheesh. "how troublesome". hopefully it won't be too bad. will probably sleep most the way up, and now i have reading material. (1 manga, 1 anime mag).

welp. i'll see ya guys later.

new quiz:: (excludes trin, roc and koocb). what is my job??

in the last 2 days, i've done nothing but work on my tutorials and play Metroid Prime on my Nintendo Gamecube. so.... i don't know what to say besides that.

i'm a lefty. i write and draw with my left hand. i'm not truely ambidexterious (sp??) but i can only write, draw, and aim with my left hand, and do pretty much everything else with only my right hand. either/or kinda deal.

what else do you people want from me???!!! X)

goodnight.

- .jafo.

boy was that uncomfortable. *stretch!!* those black bags are really tight. it's very nice to be back. while lying dead on that morgue table i could hear all your wonderful comments. thank you very much. i'm sure it is the overwhelming love that brought be back to life. i am very grateful. alright, enough with the mushy mushy stuff, where was i?? (uhm, before i was stabbed that is!!) ll P

oh yes, while i was lying dead, my spirit wondered around a bit. went and visited some places i knew. work:: boy that place sucks. still busy!!! oh yeah, and Mr.T was making some poor sap wear a stupid Captain Kirk outfit on Halloween. what a loser!!! i could figure out why exactly he did it... something to do with "cause your my friend", or something like that. what dolt!! to be suckered into something as ridiculous as that!!! well, then i traveled to my home. every thing was pretty peaceful. some guys who's face i couldn't see was doing my tutorials. thanks whoever you were!! met up with Roc and Trin. they had some great costume ideas. Resident Evil characters!!! Roc was Billy from R.E. Zero, and Trin was Jill from R.E. 1. way cool guys. too bad i was just a floating entity otherwise i might have gone with them to their little party. (so sad!!) ah, well, it was about that time i realized Mr.T found his way onto my blog and made a guest hosting appearance. that made me "stir" a little from my "dead sleep". XP

yeah. i think that's about it. counted all my fingers and toes. still got everything in tact. i think i'll be alright now. oh yeah, remind me to stay away from forks for a while k?? thank you, love you all, see y'all again soon. i promise!!!

- . J.A.F.O. (the real one!!)