read previous blog first (posted just a few minutes ago)


so wonderful.....the serinity you have after you realize life sucks, and probably always will, and yet you come to grips with reality and........ are just too tired to fight or care anymore.

uh, *disclaimer* this is life in general and should apply to mass population, i am not saying my life is worse than yours, cause it probably aint.

have a good night everyone........i'm really tired (if you know what i mean)

life sucks. right? i mean, you do things to get attention, you get attention and do things to get friends, you get friends to fill the loneliness in your life. you get friends that make possible girlfriends (or other) also to fill the loneliness. but HOW do you make friends? by sitting at home whining and feeling lonely for yourself and not being brave enough to make a connection with another person who might let you down, even though they might also be your "one".

loneliness syndrome, friendship disorder, etc, etc.

"welcome to your life and the life of everyone else. Can i get you something? A coffee.... something to eat.... ...........a few friends? We'll start serving once you left the safety of your hole and started taking chances."

have a good night everyone.

time to add another blog. -- update of work situation ---: cutting back hours used in my department. department will stay open same hours, but fewer people working. brilliant dont you think? we are doing a tad less than last year right now, but we are also in major transition phase. whatever, what's done is done, and it's all beyond my control anyways. "be happy with what you have". like i said, ill have the time i need for school now. im so happy. :roll:

so many new and fascinating people here. "YO" to you all.

very interesting quiz i took. try it yourself (link on left). mostly correct, my comments are in parenthesis ().


first name:
You are a quick study, and can be self-taught. Your curiosity can get the best of you, but you must learn to concentrate. (dang a.d.d. :) )You have much enthusiasm with a driving attitude toward achievement in life. You enjoy a challenge. You can take thought-directed actions. You have a diplomatic flair to your nature. Equality and fairness are important to you.

middle name:
Status is important to you and your ability to achieve success and earn money. You have a need to be noticed and seek status. You are relatively demonstrative in your affections. You enjoy being stroked verbally and physically. (i dont know about this entire first part) You are always involved with projects and things to do. You have a great deal of loyalty to those you love. You have much inner strength. You can handle details well. You have a methodical mind.

last name:
You have an aptitude for dealing with the public. You would do well in entertainment and politics. (heh heh)You feel secure in group endeavors. You must learn the lessons of self-worth; learn to love yourself before you can love others. You need to learn flexibility. You have a lack of confidence in your mental abilities and do not like being forced into giving your opinion. (negative, complete opposite) Your independence and freedom are important to you.

k, so my friends, won't like me after tonight. i'm going to have to deal with that. my nephew is an important people and i dont get much "quality" time with him (or my sis). sorry bro.

i'll be missing a few other things, but life is about priorities and the sacrifices you have to make.

Full Metal Alchemist - Intro quote:
"People cannot gain anything without sacrificing something - You must present something of equal value to gain something - This is the principle of equivalent trade in alchemy"

well, as they say: "it's all gotta end sometime. it's been fun." my store isn't doing to well. my job is offically in limbo. being one of the newest and "non-certified" makes the ground shakey right now. even the main-stays are going to feel the burn. guess it'll help me get back on track of other things. it's scary, and seems like it's going to make things hard on me, well see how it all goes i guess.

yeah i'm learning to be a better basketball player (under the study of my friend, but dang i'm sore now. :() gotta get for now, busy busy busy. but don't fret, more ground breaking stuff means more posts. YEAH!!!

geez my computer sucks. can someone "cowprod" my computer on-line to make it work again. this is driving me insane. for the secone time.......(the first one didn't take)

nice week, works been steady and not too busy, but the boss has been going nuts. throwing crap and pitching hissy-fits. it's sad to see a grown man do that, and over such petty stuff. if your frustrated with something, you can't just get mad, yell at it (and everyone else) and walk away. it won't get fixed and your only pissing yourself off more and everyone else. just freakin stop for 10 seconds, focus on nothing but breathing, then calmly fix the problem without getting mad, yelling or walking away. the problem will be fixed and you, and everyone else, will feel much better. it's not hard, and it's not rocket science, you just can't handle.

i dare you to try it.

*note* sorry to my friends (both online and not) for any ill recieved words of late. lately, i have been 'plexed, and as you know i rarely think before i speak/type.

god bless, good night.

the life we live, or the life we are given can be very very saddening sometimes. I pray for everyone who comes to that point in their life, and i hope they do the same for me.

I have an overwhelming sense of sorrow for those whose life is so horrible. seriously. yes, my life isn't peachy but i am have nothing to complain about after reading just a few blogs here.

fallinangel8587
ceeceesun
and many others...

my heart and my soul go out to you. i pray you live through the pain, endure life till it gets better (it will, i promise), and become stronger because of it. you will be stronger than anyone can imagine, like a burning pheonix. it is you who will bring eternal hope to those that follow and to every one else you meet, a sustaining hope.

i have been to "quizilla", and be chosen as a pheonix. but i have no right to accept that. only you my friends could be granted such an esteemed title.

good night. sleep tight. be well.

i wonder if those who know me or are on my friends list even come here:

mistress serpent
fallinangel8587
bleiben
perfection1
flintpez
rasproc
trinity7ke
newbie
rocky

just curious

another night. yet another day to wonder if you will ever wake up.

had a good day. chuch was nice. shook the hand of the man who i assume still "dislikes" me. (being nice) and beth didn't say anything negative to me. i'm so proud of her. wish i could take a weeks vacation and just chill. no work, no study, no naggin parents. they aren't bad, just they are over-addiment about me finishing school. that's a good thing, but i'm tired. lunch was nice. went with a group when i was supposed to be with my family and my grandmother. hope she's not upset. yes i won't have much more time with her, but i won't have much more time with my friends either. yes she is family, but i have never been very close to her........to any of my relatives. it's really sad. i envy my friends at church who are so close to ALL their relatives. but i envy them for having more friends and not being as lonely as me. i wonder if they have more than me and yet are still lonely. why can't two lonely people be lonely together?
*disemination complete*
played volleyball. this is significant cause i've told you that i'm not athletic, but i have to go to work early tomorrow. ouch.

sometimes it would be wonderful to have a tiny bit of magical powers.

Prodigy - Voodoo People:
Voodoo People
The Voodoo, who do, what you don't dare do people
Magic People, Magic People, Magic People
Voodoo People
Voodoo

second time i wrote this............dang computer.

spent some time with my friends tonight. it was nice but still a little awkward. its sad that they are my best friends, and always will be but just cant......... i just cant relate to them. they always talk of things i have no understand of....... books, history, foreign affairs, technical aspects of their work...... etc etc. am i really that stupid, do i not know anything, am i mentally retarded, do i lack basic common knowledge? i thought i was smart, that i knew something. maybe nobody cares what i think or anything i know. why are you still here? what is it about this that kept you here so long?

#1 problem of jafo: diminished self-esteem. i have found good things about myself, but i guess no one cares. what is it that people seen in me? what do they see that they don't like, why dont they see anything positive? who you truely are is not how people perceive you as. it's not fair. there has been a few times i was normal or elated with myself, but those times were severly crushed soon after.

good night cruel world

k, so the next day wasn't so bad. thanx all for your prayers and good vibes. got up early (don't know why) ran some errands, shopped at a oriental market here in-town, then went in to work. (one of the girl's fathers had an accident that morning and she was at the hospital with him) yesterday, went to church, then lunch with the "group", then home for a nap, eventually ended up at the theaters to watch "The Passion". (great movie, but not "entertaining"). today, worked for 9 hours, got to work tomorrow for another 4 (which should help with my ticket), but today was bizarre. had only about half of normal business for a monday (which is just fine) and nearly NO problems. aww, great weekend.

hope my friends get back soon, like to go chill out for a while. - ya know?

it's 2:...........late. i'm going to bed. i have a bunch of stuff to update y'all on, but i'm crashing. night.

here's my newest personality test. i think it's pretty accurate, but you have to ask the ones that know me better.